I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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