So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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