I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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