What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
