why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
