If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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