coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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