It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
