she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
