Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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