she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
