somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
do herpes really smell.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
