you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
this is an emotional support booty call
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
