i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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