put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
