Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
