Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
