great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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