I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i would one night stand the shit outta him
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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