Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
