Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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