I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
