I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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