marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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