she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You need Xanax blowdarts
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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