I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
