I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
