if i can run in heels then i can drive
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
