Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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