he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
