Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
