I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
