Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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