dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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