Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Everclear isn't food dammit
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
