and next time when you feel me up, do it right
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
