My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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