he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
