Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
