He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
