so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I wish i was in the wii world.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I think a kid would responsible me up
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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