apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
