I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Randomize
