You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
