I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
