I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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