Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
