It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
this is an emotional support booty call
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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