He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
