i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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