He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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