A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He did a backflip because drugs
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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