I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I woke up under a house in Key West
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