she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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