hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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